Trejo Rogues Gallery.

This meme is another Rogues Gallery...this time focusing on Danny Trejo.  Like Dafoe, Nicholson and Walken,   Trejo also plays bad guys but he does it to teach people that crime doesn't pay and it comes from his background of being an actual criminal.  Which are all rather admirable feats.  This meme covers the best of the best of Trejo.

-  Machete Cortez. (Machete/Machete Kills).  With the third installment of the Machete series coming out this year I thought what better time to discuss this iconic character than right now.  He's a badass who is skilled with knives in particular his namesake weapon,  and he fights with honor.  Also much like Jason Voorhees,  Chuck Norris,  Staten, or any Stallone movie character or the Tick for that matter - he is the closest thing to being an invulnerable character without being accused of being a Gary Stu or a God-Modder.
- Isador 'Machete' Cortez (Spy Kids franchise).  I know what you're thinking...why is Machete on here twice?  This is the kid-friendly Machete -  before the Machete character became infamous due to Grindhouse's fake trailer.  He is the gruff but lovable uncle of Carmen and Juni and the brother of Gregorio.  And he's the best uncle you could ask for who isn't from a certain Disney show,  a Lemony Snicket book, or from a John Candy movie.  He has all sorts of gadgets and is the best inventor in the world.   Of course he isn't responsible for anyone getting hurt...as Machete himself often says: "Machete is responsible for nobody but Machete"  but it's broken when he reunites with Gregorio.  Feel free to try out his gadgets,  but remember.. Machete is responsible but Machete.  And...oh shoot...I just realized I am starting to talk like him.  Damn you,  Machete! Your Machete-isms are infectious.
-  Razor Charlie (From Dusk Till Dawn/From Dusk Till Dawn 3: The Hangman's Daughter).  He may seem like an ordinary bartender but do not let that fool you,  for once as the late Vincent Price says "Darkness falls across the land"....that's when he and the other patrons of the Titty Twister all show their more beastly side.  And boy are they dying to have you...for dinner that is!  Yes,  my friends...everyone here at the Titty Twister is a vampire.  Can you survive this place from dusk till dawn?  Excuse me for a minute...there's a barfight going on and one of my friends is being attacked. *runs off to fight the person attacking his friend,  only to get bitten* *a few seconds* Eeeeeyouch!  That guy bit me!  And it hurts like hell.  *he sees the blood on the side of his mouth and instinctively starts licking it up* Mmm..for some reason I find that blood is delicious.  *he starts panting rapidly, as he hears voices in his head*.... Now i'm hearing voices? Eh..that's normal.  But the voices are demonically telling me to feast on the blood of our human guests?  Okay,  that's slightly abnormal. *feels his skin*  I don't remember being this squishy though...maybe I used too much moisturizer. *feels his teeth with his tongue,  sees his canines sharpening a bit more*  Uh oh...fangs! What do I do,  what do I do? Oh I know! *covers his mouth with his left hand* Phew! *his left hand slowly changes to become monstrous looking as his fingernails sharpen* Oh no! My left hand...it's all...monstrous and vampiric.  *covers it with his right hand*  Phew...that was a close one.  I thought for a second my right hand was going to transform as well and that I was going to be a vampire...good thing I haven't turned yet, huh guys? *his right hand transforms to match his left hand as his fingernails sharpen*  Oh...shoot! There goes my right hand.  But as long as I keep them behind my back nobody will notice. *puts them behind his back* Heh..let's move on shall we?
-  Razor Eddie (From Dusk Till Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money).  I see you've already met Razor Charlie but have you met his brother Razor Eddie? He sometimes fills in for his brother and is twice as vicious..and yes vampirism runs in the family.  If anyone asks about what happened back there and why the guy from earlier just bit me...tell them,  it was an accident and that one of my friends was involved in said accident.   What?  What are you looking at?  Oh...this bitemark? It was from an animal attack I swear!  Oh...and about the whole drinking my own blood thing earlier?  That was an honest mistake and I didn't mean to do it.   Oh?  My skin?  Well...my 'squishy' skin texture as you call it...it's just a condition, it will go away on its own. What?  No..I swear I am not a vampire.  I just have a condition.  Hey! What are you looking at my hands for?  So I haven't trimmed my nails recently..so what? I don't know what you're on about,  i'm a normal everyday person just like you guys..only I am heavily fascinated with monsters. *his forehead becomes more rigged and monstrous looking*,  his eyes turning an eerie shade of yellow*  What?  There's nothing to see here,  move along.
- Navajas. (Desperado).  Much like The Blue Raja from Mystery Men, Trejo happens to be a master of using cutlery as weapons...in Desperado,  he definitely shows this as the infamous Navajas who is armed to the teeth and is a master of the underappreciated art of knife-throwing.  You wouldn't want to get in his way.
- Cucuy. (Once Upon A Time In Mexico).  The character so intimidating they named him after the Mexican version of the Boogieman. Fun fact: Trejo's voice can also be heard at Universal's Halloween Horror Nights El Cucuy scarezone/maze.
-  Marcia Brady (Snickers 'You're Not You When You're Hungry' Campaign/WhatsupwithMarcia).  Those who saw the Superbowl may have noticed there was something...different about the iconic Marcia Brady.  And by different,  I mean..that she well...isn't herself...she's vengeful,  axe-wielding Danny Trejo!  As part of the 'You're Not You When You're Campaign' by Snickers which has featured famous faces like Betty White,   Liza Minnelli, the Gremlins from the movie Gremlins, Godzilla, Aretha Franklin,  Bobcat Goldthwait, the late comedic legend Robin Williams,  Joe Pesci and even Rowan Atkinson reprising his famous Mr Bean character...the commercial shows a reinactment of the sitcom The Brady Bunch with Trejo being Marcia...and Steve Buscemi as Jan.  The print ad campaign for it WhatsupwithMarcia is even better,  as it is a full sized billboard mural of Marcia turning into Danny in a gradual process.  Remember,  you're not you when you're hungry.  I totally wouldn't be complaining if I got turned into Trejo though,  he'd be my second choice of someone to try into when hungry..the other would be Christopher Walken either Chris Walken in Annie Hall or Walken as either Gabriel or The Hessian.  Before anyone asks...no...I just ate,  and it wasn't a Snickers bar.  No..I have not turned into Danny Trejo. What? Do I look like Trejo to you?
- Johnny-23. (Con Air).  Trejo's most cold-hearted character yet. *cue the song Cold Hearted by Paula Abdul*.
-  Pacha Kamaq. (Blood Ties episode 'Wrapped').  Pacha Kamaq is a badass Incan mummy with the ability to gain the traits and memories of anyone he preys on.  Fun fact: Pacha Kamaq gets his name from a city that is named after an Incan god.  Brendan Fraser would probably have a field day if he ever had to fight this guy.
- Venom (Phineas and Ferb Mission Marvel).  In my opinion Trejo has the best Venom voice in any version of Spiderman I have ever seen next to Hank Azaria in the 90's Spiderman cartoon.
-  Skeleton Louis (The Book Of Life) -  Learning about different cultures and their traditions fascinates me,  especially when it comes to holidays like Halloween or Christmas since there are so many different traditions for both holidays.  One that I particular like actually takes place after Halloween and that is the Day Of The Dead,  recently I saw The Book Of Life and it really impressed me with just how beautiful it was.  I love The Land Of The Remembered because it looks so lively and energetic,  plus the skeleton or calacas as they're called..have awesome designs.  All of the skeletons look really awesome,  including Skeleton Louis who rocks the most badass living mustache ever.
-  Bane. (Young Justice).  Finally,  a Bane who actually comes across as terrifying.
-  Guerrero.  (Dead in Tombstone).  An undead badass outlaw who returns from the dead to avenge his own death after making a deal with Satan.  You can't get more badass than that.
- Derelict (Snoop Dog's House Of Horror).  A mysterious artist with the power to bless others with the gift of a tattoo that gives the user the ability to kill their enemies by wiping out their 'tags' (tagging is a graffiti term).   He's also a demon dog known as a Hound Of Hell or HOH for short.  Be wise with this power,  for if you abuse it...he'll take it away from you and make you pay the full price for it.  Look at those glowing eyes...ominous aren't they?
- Frank Vega (Bad-Ass).   I believe everyone is familiar with the Epic Beard Man on Youtube,  well Trejo played the man in Bad-Ass and Bad-Asses.
- Tortuga (Breaking Bad).  He takes his time..but he ALWAYS wins,  unless his head winds up on a tortoise's shell. Fun fact: Trejo has said at least once: "I don't care any time people are talking about the things they've done in the movies.  I always just kind of say..'Yeah..but did your head crawl across the desert on a tortoise?'  and they shut up!".

Original meme here:
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